We can get into real trouble if we confuse the map with the territory. When we do this, we shoot ourselves in the foot. We cripple our own selves emotionally.

The bad news is we make ourselves feel bad -- always. The good news is that we can do something about it.

   The following essay is one I wrote to use when teaching the medicine wheel. The reason for this is simple. Our culture is very poisoned with illogical, even toxic, thought patterns. We learn them from our families and from our peers. These toxic patterns even hinder our attempts to develop our consciousness and spirituality. Therefore, learning about them is the first step in freeing ourselves from them. If this essay is too long and complex for you, then the essay following this one, “The Four Most Toxic Thought Patterns,” will bottom-line it for you. May you never see the world in the same way again.

    Language is not experience, but a representation of experience -- like a map is not the territory but a representation of the territory.  Experience has structure . We represent experience to ourselves, from the raw sensory input to the actions in response to that input.  

    This means that we do not directly perceive anything, regardless of the illusion that when we focus our eyes on something we see it as it is.  This can be a frightening thing to grasp at first. In the end, however, understanding this truth is quite liberating.

    Let us take a walk through the perception of an event and learn how our minds work to form the ultimate picture we form in our minds that is that which we actually see.

    Consider what happens when someone sees a snake. Light is reflected from the snake into the eyes of the observer, where it hits the retinas and is transformed into nervous impulses. These impulses go the the occipital lobe of the brain, which is located at the back and bottom of the head. This triggers a cascade reaction from the back of the brain to the frontal lobes in the front above the eyes. Along the way, much information and emotion is gathered about snakes. Up to this point, the process is unconscious. Ultimately, a split second later, our mind gives us a picture of the snake. This picture is what we actually see. But, this simple snake picture can have much information embedded within it, like subliminal messages, depending on how much we know about snakes and our experiences with them. Thus, one person can see a snake and be fascinated while another goes into a complete phobic reaction.

    We have to learn how to see. Babies “see” but know not what they are looking at. A snake on the floor and a dropped belt will look the same. Later on the baby will learn about other life forms and that some snakes are dangerous. If the child has experiences with snakes, then those memories and any attendant emotions will also be added to the concept of “snake.”

    Albert Ellis formulated the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance. If the person seeing the snake is phobic, the sequence ,with a bit of modification, basically goes like this: “A” is the activating event (seeing the snake); “B” is beliefs about the event (all of the person’s mental file on snakes) ; and “C” is the consequences (the phobic reaction). [See, this link for an html version of this powerpoint presentation.]

    The mind adds information, and deletes sensory input in an unconscious process. Events and images are seen through a lens of memories, distortions, deletions, prejudices and emotions.

    The phobic person may very well delete or devalue the sensory input that the serpent is riding around on its owner’s shoulders or in a tank and is thus harmless. (Another example of deletion can be found in the testimony of many people held at gunpoint: all they remember is the gun and not the person holding it.) Any memories of snakes will be added in, as will beliefs such as “snakes are sent by Satan” or “snakes are slimy.”

    Thus our behavior and reactions are created by a complex process of sensory input about an event happening right now as well as any genetic programming, memories and associations, physiological condition (is the viewer ill, premenstrual, on a psychotropic substance?) and free will. Even though much of this process is preconscious, we can have a surprising amount of control over it. However this takes learning about it and then practicing what we have learned.

    The ABC process, in neurolinguistic programming, is known as a map. Understanding maps, really getting it that the map is not the territory, and then knowing how to alter a map can create a better subjective life experience for yourself. This is known as cognitive therapy, something that you can do on yourself quite effectively.

    You can do so much for yourself with this knowledge. If you run into a snag or rough spot in this practice, you can always go get some professional help.

    We make our maps from language describing the interaction between internal and external experiences.  Language is our interface between internal and external experience and between each other’s maps. Therefore, an understanding of the language patterns that we habitually use in our self-talk and in our communication with others is invaluable in changing our maps and consequently our life experience and emotions.

    As children we learn to act and react in this world.  Because we have little prior experience upon which to base the formation of strategies of action and reaction, we eagerly model the strategies of everyone around us -- our family, peers, television characters, etc.  This has the evolutionary benefit of making sure that the young human is up and operating independently in a dangerous world as quickly as possible, of ensuring that each one fits into our culture and that cooperative action is possible based on cultural models that we take for granted.  Unfortunately, it also passes along -- like a social virus  -- many destructive thinking patterns that we have not evaluated before accepting. Fortunately, some very bright people have made a study of these patterns and how to teach you to help yourself overcome the ill effects these patterns have upon your emotions and your health.

THE THREE UNIVERSAL

MAP BUILDING LANGUAGE PROCESSES

    Our maps are created through three processes which are universal: generalization, deletion, and distortion.  Without them we would become overwhelmed with sensory input and over-analysis. We would not be able to thrive or learn. However, we can get into real trouble with these three if we confuse the map with the territory. When we do this, we shoot ourselves in the foot. We cripple our own selves emotionally. The bad news is we make ourselves feel bad -- always. The good news is that we can do something about it.

    Generalization is the map-making process we use to take a piece of our experience out of its context and use it to represent the entire field. If you could not do this, it would take you hours to relearn to drive every time you got in a rental car or operated a new computer. Get it? You generalize these processes and thus save a lot of time and energy. Generalization is a wonderful learning tool. But we can shoot ourselves in the foot if we allow one difficult experience to generalize into “I’ll never be able to do this” or “I just don’t get along with machines.”  A failed love affair can generalize into the insensitivity of all men (or women).

    Further, we can make a generalization that is useful in some kinds of situations but not in others. For example, an American citizen can get in real trouble when traveling by expecting rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution to be extended in a foreign country. Generalizations must be re-evaluated whenever a new context arises. They must not be treated as if they are carved in stone.

    Deletion is the second map-making process. With it we pay attention to some sensory input or memories and ignore others. Thus we can focus our concentration on what is important or threatening. Living in a college dorm taught me to  turn off my hearing while studying; decades later, I still won’t hear someone talking to me while I am reading. Deletion allows us to not be overwhelmed with stimuli.

    However, we must be vigilant in the use of this process and not allow it to filter out vital information. It becomes pathological in the extreme, such as drug addiction. It is a way we shoot ourselves in the foot when we delete our own responsibility for a situation or ignore a bad habit.

    Distortion is the third map-making process which, ironically, is a willful misrepresentation of reality. Without it, we would not be able to enjoy novels, movies or paintings. Scientific exploration would be  impossible without it -- there would be no microscopes, telescopes or radars. Your web browser makes a representation of all the ones and zeros in the coding of a page and translates (distorts) it into pictures, colors, sounds, text. Thus distortion allows us to experience sensory data in different ways. Without this ability we could not even envision a future.

    This ability can be toxic when we use it to self-sabotage. If constructive criticism is distorted into condemnation by the listener, he or she will lose a chance to learn. One of the most frequent, and powerfully toxic, distortions is to turn a concept or a process into something real, which is called nominalization in the lexicon of neuro-linguistic programming. I will go further into this later in this chapter. Another of the potently poisonous distortions is the assignment of incorrect meaning to actions; this is known as complex equivalence and it will also be explained further in this chapter.

    Because these three map-making methods are expressed verbally, we can use words to challenge them when they threaten to cripple us. Below is a listing of common verbal patterns and how to challenge them. This takes practice and it is very rewarding. Cognitive therapy of this type has been found to be as effective as anti-depressant pharmaceuticals. Personally, I think this beats pharmaceuticals because you will learn something about yourself and make yourself invulnerable in the future to further episodes of self-crippling. Prozac™ won’t do that.  These are taken from various sources found on the suggested reading list at the end of the essay.

Deletion

Recognizing and recovering deleted information helps to restore the full experience and open the door to learning and resolution.  To recover the missing information, ask ABOUT WHO? or ABOUT WHAT?

I don’t get it.                        

What is it you don’t get?    

He’s just terrible.

Terrible at what?

I’m scared.                                    

What or who are you scared of?

I don’t like school.

What don’t you like about school?

Lack of Subject for Comparison

This is a pattern of mushy thinking that tends to group all actions and make them the same.  Challenge with COMPARED TO WHAT?  Doing so makes the speaker differentiate.

You can do better than that.        

Better than what?        

We need more!

More than what?

Unspecified Nouns

This kind of generalization leaves out the details necessary to have choices for your actions.  An individual generalizes an experience so that it is disproportionate to what actually occurred.  Challenge a lack of reference by asking WHO SPECIFICALLY? or WHAT SPECIFICALLY?

Nobody loves me.                        

Who specifically doesn’t love you?        

This is really getting me depressed.

What specifically is depressing you?

They are unethical.                

Who specifically is unethical?        

XYZ Corp rejected me.

Who rejected you at XYZ Corp?

Unspecified Verbs

All verbs are relatively unspecific.  “Focus” is more explicit than “see.”  If someone says he traveled somewhere it could have been on foot or in an airplane.  Getting more specific with verbs enriches the subject’s experience.  Challenge unspecified verbs by asking HOW SPECIFICALLY?

XYZ Corp rejected me.

How specifically did they reject you?    

He made me defend myself .

How specifically did he do that?

General Quantities

This refers to words such as: all, never, every, nobody, always, etc.  Challenge by exaggerating the general quantity in your words and tone of voice.  By doing this, you help the subject to find one or more exceptions to the generality.

I can’t do anything right.                                

So you have never, ever done anything right?    

He always lies.

Always?  Everything he says?

You never listen to me.                

Never?  Not even one time?

I’ll never get well.

So you cannot conceive of the possibility of  regaining health under any circumstances?

Lack of Choice

These are: have to, can’t, must, should, etc.  Challenging these takes the subject beyond limits he or she has accepted as real.  WHAT STOPS YOU? and WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID (OR DIDN’T)?

I can’t do it.                            

What stops you?    

I shouldn’t do it.

What would happen if you did?

You should do X.                                        

What do you think would happen if I didn’t?     

There’s nothing I can do.

What is stopping you?

Concept as Concrete (known in neuro-linguistic programming as Nominalization)

These are words that have been changed from verbs into nouns. A process then becomes a thing. When this happens we get stuck in an emotional response or reaction, we lose choices. Changing the noun back into a verb helps the subject see that what he considers an isolated event or thing is really an ongoing process and that the concept has no reality outside of his own mind.

To distinguish concepts from regular nouns, ask yourself if it could be put into a wheelbarrow. Another way to check is to ask yourself if the word can be changed into a process. For example, you could not put ownership or a problem into a wheelbarrow, but you could put a chair or an elephant.

To challenge a concept used as a concrete, change it into a verb.

I can’t get any satisfaction.                        

What would it take to satisfy you?    

Divorce is bad.        

If you were to divorce, how would it be bad?        

I demand loyalty from my friends.                

In what ways do you want them to be loyal?        

Procrastination is one of my faults.

What do you keep putting off?

Cause and Effect

These statements are based on the belief that the action of one person causes another person to act in a certain way or experience a particular emotion.  Because of this belief, a subject may believe that he or she has no choice in responding.  Challenging this belief allows the person to look at whether the cause and effect statement is true and to form other choices in response.  HOW DOES X CAUSE Y?

His attitude makes me so mad.                    

How does his attitude make you mad?        

My job  frustrates me.

How does it frustrate you?

Your reply hurt my feelings.                    

How did my reply hurt your feelings?    

That music makes me want to scream.

How does it do that?

Mind Reading

This refers to the common belief that one person can know what another person is thinking or feeling without direct communication.  When this occurs, the first person is acting on delusion rather than fact.  Acting on such a delusion limits the first person’s map of the experience.  Challenge mind reading with HOW, SPECIFICALLY, DO YOU KNOW X?  This will force the speaker to question his or her assumptions.

He envies my success.                    

How do you know that?    

The loss of your father made you lash out.

How do you know that?

She hates it when you do that.

What did she do or say that makes you think so?

Missing Performer

This pattern refers to statements that are generalizations about the world rather than about the subject’s map of the world.  These are usually judgments and the subject takes rules that he or she has formulated for personal use and tries to enforce them on others.  Challenging these statements helps the subject have his or her own rules while letting everyone else have their own and it helps the subject be aware of other possibilities.  Challenge by asking FOR WHOM? or ACCORDING TO WHOM? or WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF X?

Gambling is wrong.                

For whom?        

This is the only right way to do it.

Who says so?

It’s important to be patriotic.                    

What would happen if someone wasn’t?        

Too much TV is bad.

For whom?

Complex Equivalence

This is the statement of a belief that an action or object has an intrinsic meaning.  [Object or action = a meaning] Challenge with HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? or COULD IT MEAN SOMETHING ELSE? The challenge brings the equation to the attention of the subject and allows him or her to separate the object or action from the meaning and to re-evaluate.  This pattern is emotionally volatile and extremely common.

Flying the Confederate Battle Flag means shows a belief that slavery is acceptable.

How do you know that is what it means?  Could it mean something else?

You aren’t listening to me!  [Said to person who is looking away]

How do you know I’m not hearing every word you say?

Closing that bookstore equates with book burning and cultural destruction.

Whoa, maybe the owner just wants to retire and rent the space out for more income.

Clearly and Obviously

Here the speaker is operating on an unconscious underlying belief or complex equivalence.  Challenge with OBVIOUSLY?  WHY IS IT OBVIOUS?

He obviously doesn’t care about anyone else.
Obviously? Why is it obvious?        

It’s obvious she’s cheating.

How is it obvious?

They are clearly looking for trouble.
Clearly?  How so?    

    The patterns above have been taken from practitioner training in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).  They were not necessarily intended as cognitive therapy, but they have that effect and they make a nice easy gradient approach to the subject of cognitive therapy.      

    Cognitive therapy as a formal subject contains similar patterns for study. There is a definite self-help level to cognitive therapy and it contains the following patterns which are simple to learn.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

An upsetting or potentially upsetting situation is viewed as black or white rather than a gray scale.  Challenge by putting the subject’s attention on shades of gray.

If I don’t win first place then I’m such a loser.

You came in third in a field of 98 entries.  That puts you in the top three percent.

You are either with me or against me.

It is possible to remain neutral in this situation and recognize validity in the positions of both sides.

Catastrophizing

By predicting the worst in an exaggerated fashion, the emotions sweep over the logical processes of the mind, and more likely alternatives are thus ignored.  Challenge by pointing out other likely possibilities.

I’ll never find anyone to love again!

Never, ever?  With your personality?  You have so much to offer.  Give yourself some time.

I’ve just seen the doctor and gotten my test results.  My life is over!

Get a hold of yourself.  Doctors don’t know everything.  People survive disastrous medical conditions all the time and you can, too.  Let’s do some research and find out more about this and what you can do that your doctor doesn’t know about.

Discounting the Positive

By dismissing your success as a stroke of luck or as having no meaning, you send depressing signals to your subconscious processes.  Challenge by emphasizing the subject’s assets.

She loves me.  I don’t understand why.

I understand it.  There is much about you that is lovable!  And you two have so much in common.

I got the promotion, but so what?  I’m the token female.

Maybe that didn’t hurt your chances, but you’re no token anything.  Are you telling me that you aren’t very well qualified for this job?  Management isn’t stupid.  Look at your performance record!

Emotional Reasoning

When you “just know” or feel that something is true, you ignore evidence that shows it isn’t true.  Challenge by pointing out the evidence against the conclusion.

It upsets me that she doesn’t like me.

Isn’t she nice to you?  Haven’t you seen her smiling at you?

Magnification/Minimization

When you focus on the negative and exaggerate it while at the same time downplaying the positive, you distort your perception of what is actually happening.  Challenge by putting things in proper perspective.

The boss criticized my work.  I’m no good at this job.

That criticism was constructive.  The boss wants you to succeed.  Your work is really pretty good or he wouldn’t spend time training you.

I’m so stupid!  I can’t work these math problems.

You are not stupid.  No one can ace every subject.  You’re doing great in your other classes.

Personalization

Like a child, you internalize the situation and see it revolving around you and yourself as the cause of all effects.  Challenge by showing other possible causes.

She hates me.  Everytime I say anything to her she is bitchy.

I happen to know that she is going through a very upsetting time in her personal life.  Don’t take this personally.

My parents always were fighting.  If I had been a better son, they wouldn’t have gotten a divorce.

There are many reasons people get a divorce.  Don’t you think your dad’s drinking and gambling had a lot to do with it?

    Silently practice challenging the patterns given here when you see them in other people.  Doing so will get you into the frame of mind you will need to be in in order to begin to challenge your own patterns.

COGNITIVE THERAPY SUGGESTED READING LIST

•Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Burns, David D., M.D. and Aaron T. Beck

•A Guide to Rational Living. Albert Ellis  Robert A. Harper.  ISBN: 0879800429

•The Albert Ellis Reader: A Guide to Well-Being Using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Shawn Blau (Editor). ISBN: 0806520329

•Intimate Connection. David D. Burns. ISBN: 0451148452

•Love Is Never Enough: How couples can overcome misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and solve relationship problems through cognitive therapy. Aaron T. Beck. ISBN: 0060916044

•Cognitive Therapy: Basics and Beyond. Judith S. Beck. ISBN: 0898628474

•Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. Aaron T. Beck. ISBN: 0452009286

•Depression. Aaron T. Beck. ISBN: 0812210328

BOOKS ABOUT NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING

•Unlimited Power: The New Science of Personal Achievement. Robbins, Anthony.  ISBN  0684845776

•Heart of the Mind : Engaging Your Inner Power to Change With Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Andreas, Connirae and Steve.   ISBN 0911226311

•Frogs Into Princes:  Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Bandler, Richard and John Grinder. ISBN 0911226192

•ReFraming: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning. Bandler, Richard and John Grinder.  ISBN 0911226249