“Cognitive Therapy (CT) is a type of psychotherapy developed by psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck in the 1960s. Beck came to the conclusion that the way in which his clients perceived and interpreted and attributed meaning—a process known scientifically as cognition—in their daily lives was a key to therapy. Cognitive therapy seeks to identify and change distorted or unrealistic ways of thinking, and therefore to influence emotion and behavior.” -- Wikipedia

   My studies of cognitive therapy, ongoing since 1967, have taught me to observe human behavior in a different light. Learning the patterns taught by cognitive therapy can help you step outside of emotionally-charged situations or avoid them altogether. In the essay preceding this one, “Challenging the Thought and Language Patterns That Limit Us,” I have given a more comprehensive rendition of the subject and recommended additional reading. To greatly benefit from the subject it is not necessary to undergo therapy; merely learning the misuse of these four patterns will greatly sort out one’s emotional landscape.

TOXIC PATTERN #1 -- NOMINALIZATION

    This is the tendency of people to treat ideas as real things. Nominalization generally means making into a noun, the process of naming. Because we name it, therefore it is real. In terms of cognitive therapy, it means the cognitive process of treating something abstract as if it were concrete. The test we used in neuro-linguistic programming practitioner training was “can you put it in a wheelbarrow?” Elephant, hammer, house -- yes. Honesty, truth, justice and the American way -- no.
    See the difference? Concrete things are solid and exist in the space/time continuum of three dimensions. Abstracts like honesty, loyalty, and marriage exist only in the mind. They are concepts, ideas, intangibles.

    Where we can get into trouble is when we treat an abstract as something real. Like in the cartoon above, the caveman wants to defend the “institution of marriage” as if it had an address like the library or city hall. The institution of marriage is an idea, not a building. And in case no one ever told you this, you cannot hurt an idea. There is no need to defend an idea. In fact, in fighting an opposing idea you lend it more credence and validate its very existence. You cannot deny the existence of something that does not exist in the mind; by denying its existence, you call it into being in the other person's mind. FLYING HORSES DON'T EXIST! And you cause yourself and other people a lot of unnecessary misery when you try to either eliminate or defend a concept.

TOXIC PATTERN #2 -- COMPLEX EQUIVALENCE

    To the left is one of the most detested symbols of the late 20th century, the swastika. Instead of an historically sacred symbol from many spiritual traditions, it has become the emblem of genocide and brutality. In use for 3000 years, in less than a decade the Nazis erased its deeply spiritual meanings of power, strength and the sun in the minds of many. This is a symbol you will find on many Buddhist altars.

    Sometime in the 1980’s, a Buddhist congregation in Los Angeles opened a new temple. They commissioned a wrought-iron fence that included a symbol most sacred to them -- the swastika (a Sanskrit word). Unfortunately, these Buddhists had moved into a neighborhood that included many Jews, so you can imagine the reaction to the new fence. Now the Buddhists, being compassionate people, were very aghast at the pain this caused some of their neighbors and promptly took measures, including educative talks.

    The key to understanding the complex equivalence is this: X = Y. A meaning is assigned to an object, a symbol, a behavior. The folly of this is seen above. To a Buddhist, the swastika = the sun. To a Jew, the swastika = genocide. The Confederate flag = slavery to African-Americans; to many White southerners (who actually abhor slavery), it = states’ rights.

    Where you will get into trouble with the complex equivalence is believing that the meaning you assign to the object, symbol or behavior is intrinsic to the object, symbol or behavior. It is not. Like a photograph of your pet, child, or spouse, all of the emotion and meaning attached to that photo exists only in the mind of the viewer. The photo itself is nothing more than light-sensitive emulsion coating heavy paper that has been exposed to a projected light image. Get it? There is the object and there is the significance. Two different things. Beauty really is in the mind of the beholder.

    The folly of believing in the reality of your own attribution of meaning is shown in the following example of a man bringing flowers home and giving them to his wife. Scenario 1: He thinks that he has been ignoring her lately and wants to show her he still loves her. She thinks he is feeling guilty because he is having an affair. Scenario 2: He is feeling guilty because he is having an affair. She thinks he is so sweet and she feels loved.

    Here is a quote from Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, about efforts to remove Lenin from his tomb -- where he has been on display for decades -- and to bury him: “The burial of Lenin would mean that they (Russian people) had worshiped false values . . . and that they had lived their lives in vain.” Burial of Lenin = worshipping false values and living in vain. Wow! That is a lot of emotionally-charged significance to place on the rather commonplace action of burying a corpse.

    Four more examples: (1) A Christian pregnancy counseling organization regards the distribution of contraceptives as “demeaning to women.” (2) Hispanic protesters in California regularly wave the Mexican flag, greatly angering many citizens who feel, in the words of one such, “What annoys me most is the arrogance that they are going to fly a foreign flag on my soil.” To the protesters, on the other hand, it is a symbol of the protesters’ unity. (3) President Bush and his family flashed the “hook ‘em horns” hand gesture of the Texas Aggies while they were watching an inaugural parade, but in Norway and some other parts of the world the gesture is considered an insult (“your wife is unfaithful”) or is a sign of the devil, and people in those parts were greatly offended. (4) Nikita Khrushchev, the leader of the Soviet Union in the 1960’s, visited the United Nations and took off a shoe and banged it furiously on the podium. Unfortunately for him, people of the United States did not understand this (to Soviets) insulting gesture and we just thought he was eccentric.

    The complex equivalence is a minefield most people blithely walk through. I am sure you can think of many times when you did something that was misinterpreted. And I am equally sure you have done it to others in an effort to control their behavior. Thus, much misery has been caused because people, as in the nominalization, think that what exists only in their minds is real and the absolute truth -- which leads into our next toxic pattern.

TOXIC PATTERN #3 -- ABSOLUTISM

    News Flash! Absolutes do not exist in the space/time continuum. This “plane” of our multidimensional Universe is relative in every respect. Just ask Einstein, who half a century ago introduced us to the concept of relativity and it has yet to sink very far into our collective consciousness. Everything is relative. E-v-e-r-y-d-a-m-n-t-h-i-n-g.

    Here, prove it to yourself. Zero is an absolute concept. Take the number 100. Divide it by 10. Take that result and divide it by ten. Continue this process until you get to zero. But don’t hold your breath while you do it, because you will never, not ever, get to 0.0.  Even the “absolute” vacuum of space is far from empty; it is teeming with particles, many of which cannot be seen. Just don’t try to breathe. Relative to our need for oxygen, it IS empty.

    So, people and things are not evil or stupid or whatever absolute concept you want to assign. It’s all relative. You can be the tallest person in your family, but the shortest person in a room away from your family. I had always thought of myself as a tall  woman at 5’8”, that is until I married a man who is 6’5” and had a daughter to grew to 5’11”. Now I am short even though I am still 5’8”.

    You may be smart when you are with your hillbilly cousins, but go to a Mensa meeting and see what you think of yourself.

    We have a disturbing tendency to see something and think that what we see IS what IS and that it will always be thus. I’m sure you know someone you really like but someone else sees in an unflattering way.

    There are no absolute truths manifest in space/time. None, zero,  zip. So stop thinking that there are and basing your behaviors on this lie. Absolutes, like the nominalization and the complex equivalence, exist only in your head.

TOXIC PATTERN #4 -- POLARIZATION

    This type of thinking has poisoned our culture. If you are not with us you are against us. You are gay or you are heterosexual. You are liberal or conservative. You are pro-life or pro-choice. You are a white supremacist or you are a race-traitor. Good/bad, right/wrong, black/white, red-state/blue-state. How I detest all of the ridiculous posturing such thinking engenders!

    Don’t allow anyone to put you in this trap and frame an argument in this polarized manner. When someone asks me if I am liberal or conservative, I answer, “Yes, both.” I am pro-life and pro-choice. I am very conservative in that I believe government should be limited, but I am liberal in my views of individual rights. I believe Darwin’s theory of natural selection because it can be observed in action; and I also believe that the Universe is a conscious creation and evolving according to its own plan and devices, natural selection being just one of the tools.

    These either/or things we are presented with as absolutes are really rife with other choices and a multitude of grey areas. If you accept the polarity, then you will not see the many other shades. Sunlight looks white, but we know it breaks down into a rainbow of many layers of color. So does life.

    The Universe is a rich and varied, wondrous thing. You are trapped in your own mind. Now you have four powerful keys to get out of your ever-so-small mental jail cell.

    See you on the outside in the multi-colored light.